Borderline Personality Disorder: People With BPD

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) or emotionally unstable personality disorder make life difficult for many couples.

However, it is not impossible to have a relationship. You just have to keep certain aspects in mind for the relationship to be healthy and unfold in the best way.

It is important that you are very aware that helping your partner with Borderline Personality Disorder does not mean that you should change them.

This disease must be monitored by a professional. With this you can hope for improvements.

However, it is necessary to know that this is a lifelong disease. There will be relapses, but there will also be moments when you hardly know it is there.

However, the disease will always be there.

Typical behavior for a couple with BPD

We will start with the most common behaviors for couples where one of the members suffers from BPD.

Many hurt the other person. Unfortunately, this makes them worse and promotes the symptoms to continue.

Remember that you are talking about people with great emotional instability and a very polarized thought process. As a result, you need to be especially careful about how you treat them.

There are many ways couples try to deal with this problem:

• Some people leave the person with BPD when they are not happy. Or they threaten to turn up and go out with them again when they change their behavior. This increases the emotional instability of those with BPD.

• Some ignore the behavior they find unacceptable. This makes them a facilitator of the disease. It promotes the pathological behavior of those with BPD.
• Some people look for balance, where they allow themselves to be led by PBD. They feel guilty if things do not get better. They may think it’s their own fault.
• Some choose to be quiet. They do not talk about the problem with their partner. This includes hiding their daily actions from family and friends. In this way, they keep the person with PBD from knowing what is happening.
• Before problems or crises, someone remembers that the other person loves them deeply. They know that the difficulty lies in the fact that their partner is not responsible for their actions.

Unfortunately, the majority of these approaches are wrong. In some you are participating in the problem. In others, you justify their actions and say nothing. As a result, their actions will not change.

Do as a mirror, not a sponge

It is easy to get overwhelmed by this disease. This is especially true if you behave in any of the ways mentioned.

We want to protect our partner. However, this is not the best way to do it. Living with a person who has Borderline Personality Disorder is very difficult. You need to be aware of how you act against them.

Your goal is to help them undermine the symptoms so that they do not continue.

To do this, it is necessary that you are true to your faith and your values. If you think what they are doing is wrong, tell them.

It is wrong to justify their behavior. As a couple, it is important to establish a line that you should not cross, no matter what happens.

Communicate clearly that you are unable to support certain behaviors and be true to them. If you are weak, everything will go wrong.

Borderline personality disorder: threats do not work

Talking about the problem is absolutely necessary. This means that the person with BPD knows where you stand, and together you can find a solution.

Sometimes, however, they can irritate us and we turn to simple threats. This should never happen. You want to make the situation worse. In addition, you will increase their emotional instability.

Learn to say “no”. Learn to give a voice to what you feel. Most importantly, never feel responsible for the behavior of your partner with Borderline Personality Disorder.

If you stop trying to treat the other person as if they are fragile and something you need to protect, everything will start to flow.

Continue to be yourself. Be wary of negative  behaviors such as lying, being misleading, or not trusting the person with BPD. Remember that their thought process is polarized. Their emotions are sometimes out of their control.

Behave according to your principles. Set boundaries and do not allow yourself to be carried away by the external disease. This will ensure balance in the relationship.

It is going to be hard. This is a path full of rocks and holes.

But if you are willing to be with this person, it will be worth it.