Rebecca Syndrome: Jealous Of An Ex

Rebecca syndrome refers to the situations in which a person experiences jealousy of his partner’s exes. In fact, these types of emotions are more prevalent these days, according to some psychologists.

It can have many causes, ranging from low self-esteem to a compelling need to compare yourself to others. It can even be caused by a partner in some cases.

Let’s go deeper.

Where does the name Rebecca Syndrome come from?

This syndrome bears the name of Alfred Hitchcock’s film “Rebecca”, released in 1940 and based on the novel Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier.

This cult film tells the story of a young lady who has an affair with a millionaire who is a widower who ends up marrying him. Unfortunately for the new bride, the housekeeper and the rest of the house’s servants (an impressive mansion called Manderley) are hostile to her from the beginning.

The young woman is constantly compared to the former wife. She is sanctified, glorified and admired by all, and little by little the main character begins to feel that her self-esteem disappears when she begins to compare herself with the almost perfect image of the deceased woman.

As a result, she begins to develop jealousy for no reason, especially when she discovers that her husband’s relationship with her ex-wife was anything but happy and peaceful.

What is Rebecca Syndrome?

Author Peter Van Sommers reveals his own opinion on this type of jealousy. He classifies it as “retrospective” in his work entitled Jealousy: What Is It and Who feels It. That is, provoked by the previous relationship with the current partner.

This is why a person may even be jealous of a deceased ex of their current partner. The Bulgarian author Elias Canetti also previously stated an aphorism that fits well with this description:

It is common for a person with this syndrome to imagine happy situations that their better half experienced with their former lover.

It is also common for those with this syndrome to assume that they are or were more intelligent, more beautiful or more attractive, including  that they think these people were almost perfect.

This leads jealous people towards an inferior behavior with the other, although the opposite can also happen and they may feel superior. The truth is that this situation affects coexistence as a couple seriously, causing conflicts and can even ruin a relationship.

Causes of Rebecca Syndrome

As a study by researchers Scheinkman and Werneck points out, “Jealousy is a complex relationship experience. It is a visceral fear of loss. “

This way of feeling includes thoughts and feelings that cause actions and reactions that sometimes seem incomprehensible.

The situations that increase the possibility of this condition are:

• First, the low self-esteem of the sufferer of the syndrome
• Whether the partner or the environment is constantly reminiscent of the ex

• The partner makes direct comparisons between both
• Whether the person with the syndrome realizes that they are similar to the previous partner of their current partner, either physically or in personality
• Finally, if the partner has not come over the grief phase, and feelings and memories are on the surface when they have recently lost a life partner

Is there a treatment?

Improving the situation where irrational fear prevails often involves some kind of intervention, according to Dr. Cuesta. In some cases, it may also be necessary for the partner of those with this syndrome to receive psychological support.

Some suggestions that may help are:

• First, improve communication with your current partner.

• Second, the current partner should express their dissatisfaction and remember why they are together.
• Also avoid mentioning the ex-partner’s qualities excessively or verbalizing details.
• Continue to review the thoughts of the jealous person.
• Also improve the self-esteem of the person with this syndrome.
• Finally, change, among other things, the controlling attitudes.

It is possible to put off the symptoms of jealousy and start really enjoying the relationship here and now with the support of a psychologist.